Q: How Would Taking Care OF Myself Help To Improve My Relationship?
Well, I’m glad you asked. If you are reading this, you may need to be convinced or need help convincing someone else that taking care of yourself is necessary to have a healthy relationship. Taking care of yourself is relationship enhancement and will help to prevent its destruction.
Your favorite airline makes sure you hear the words “put the oxygen mask on yourself first”. Why? Because you cannot save anyone else if you perish.
The same principle can be applied for relationships. If you always put others’ needs ahead of your own, you may destroy the very person they depend on…..you.
As a marriage/couple counselor, I see many relationships in distress because one partner has taken on the self-sacrificing hero/heroine role and resents their partner for not doing the same. Over time, many couples find they are building resentment and anger that has all but destroyed the relationship. One partner experiences the demands for love and attention are far too high. The other (the martyr/hero/heroine) feels their needs are never adequately met. The second partner desperately attempts to hold on tighter while the first partner feels suffocated.
Ok, but if I’m focusing on me, won’t my marriage suffer?
No, not if you are responsible about it and your life is in balance. If you are constantly running on empty you may look to your spouse to fill all of your empty buckets that you have neglected. As an example, if you are not taking care of yourself emotionally, you may learn to depend on your spouse to manage your emotions for you. You may find yourself saying something like “I am not fulfilled in this relationship”. Looking for complete fulfillment outside of self is dangerous. You have everything you need to be happy and healthy already inside you. A healthy relationship is a complement to your life, not the completion of it. Neglecting yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, and/or psychologically could make you take more from your partner than they have or are willing to give.
The truth is: one must find balance in life. Maintaining health in all aspects of life allows you to be a whole person, where you can give freely and fully. A person lacking in self-care can drain a relationship and leave both partners drained. You owe it to yourself and your relationship to address your own needs before you can begin to address the needs of others.
