Navigating the Storm: When Your Partner Doesn't Support You Against Disrespectful In-Laws12/22/2023  Image by JD Mason on Unsplash Written By: Danielle Culpepper, LPC
In the intricate dance of relationships, the dynamics between spouses and their in-laws can sometimes become a challenging waltz. When faced with disrespectful in-laws and the added complexity of a partner who doesn't provide the support you need, it can feel like a storm brewing on the horizon. However, it's crucial to weather these emotional tempests with resilience and open communication. Here's a guide on what to do when your partner doesn't support you in the face of disrespectful in-laws. Reflect on Your Feelings: Before addressing the issue with your partner, take some time to reflect on your emotions. Are you feeling hurt, frustrated, or neglected? Understanding your emotions accurately can help you express yourself more clearly and provide insight into what specific behaviors or comments have been bothering you. Choose the Right Moment: Timing is key when broaching sensitive subjects. Pick a calm and private moment to discuss your concerns with your partner. Avoid bringing up the issue in the midst of a family gathering or when tensions are already high. Express Your Feelings: Clearly communicate how the disrespectful behavior of your in-laws makes you feel. Use "I" statements to express your emotions without sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel hurt when your parents make comments about me" instead of "Your parents always make hurtful comments" Express Specific Concerns: Be specific about the disrespectful behaviors that are causing distress. Instead of making broad accusations, share concrete examples that illustrate the impact on your emotions and well-being. This allows your partner to better understand the issue and work together with you to find solutions. Share Your Needs: Clearly communicate your needs and expectations regarding how you want to handle the situation. Whether it's setting boundaries, seeking support, or addressing the behavior directly with your in-laws, let your partner know what actions would make you feel supported. Collaborate on finding mutually agreeable solutions. Avoid Blame Games: Focus on the specific behaviors that are causing distress rather than blaming your partner for their family's actions. Encourage open dialogue by expressing a desire to find a solution together rather than placing blame. Seek Understanding: Ask your partner about their perspective on the situation. They may not be fully aware of the impact their family's actions are having on you. Understanding their viewpoint can pave the way for a more empathetic conversation. Establish Boundaries: Work together to set clear boundaries with your in-laws. Discuss what behaviors are unacceptable and communicate these boundaries with your partner. Having a united front can send a powerful message to your in-laws about the importance of respect. Encourage Empathy: Help your partner see the situation from your perspective. Share your experiences and emotions, emphasizing the impact of disrespectful behavior on your mental and emotional well-being. Building empathy can strengthen your bond and encourage your partner to take a more supportive stance. Focus on Self-Care: Dealing with disrespectful in-laws and a lack of support from your partner can be emotionally draining. Prioritize self-care to maintain your mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and surround yourself with a supportive network of friends or family. In challenging times, it's essential to remember that relationships require ongoing effort and communication. By addressing the issue with empathy, establishing boundaries, and fostering open dialogue, you can work towards a healthier dynamic with your partner and navigate the storm of disrespectful in-laws together.
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Creating Shared Meaning During the Holidays: Nurturing Connection as a Newly Married Couple12/22/2023  Photo by Johnathan Borba on Unsplash Written By: Danielle Culpepper, LPC
The holiday season is a time filled with traditions, memories, and meaningful moments. For newly married couples, it presents a unique opportunity to create shared meaning and establish new traditions together. “Shared Meaning” as defined by Dr. John Gottman, simply when couples move from “Me” to “We”. Shared Meaning is usually discussed in the context of every day rituals and understanding and creating shared goals in the relationship. But by intentionally crafting your own holiday experiences, you can strengthen your bond and build a foundation for a lifetime of shared memories. In this blog post, we will explore practical tips and ideas to help newly married couples create shared meaning during the holidays. Reflect on Individual Traditions: As a newly married couple, both partners bring their own family traditions and holiday experiences. Take the time to reflect on these individual traditions and discuss which ones hold significance for each of you. This reflection will help you understand each other better and determine which traditions you want to carry forward, modify, or create anew. Establish Priorities: Sit down together and discuss your priorities for the holiday season. Are you more focused on spending time with extended family or would you prefer a quieter celebration? Is there a specific activity or tradition that holds special meaning for both of you? By aligning your priorities, you can create a shared vision for how you want to celebrate the holidays as a couple. Create New Traditions: Building new traditions as a newly married couple is an exciting opportunity to establish shared meaning. Consider incorporating aspects from both of your backgrounds or personalities into these new traditions. It could be anything from a special holiday meal, a yearly getaway, or starting a unique ornament collection. These new traditions will help shape your shared history and deepen your emotional connection. Blend Cultural Celebrations: If you and your partner come from different cultural backgrounds, use the holiday season to blend and celebrate both traditions. Embrace the diversity within your marriage by incorporating cultural practices, cuisines, or decorations from both sides. This celebration of diversity will bring richness and depth to your shared meaning during the holidays. Even if your social culture is similar, Dr. Gottman says that each relationship is a “cross cultural experience” simply because each partner comes from a different family system. Each partner brings a unique sense of what their familial culture was, and when they come together a new culture is forged. The intentionality behind that new culture is a strong determinate for how healthy the family system will be in the future. Volunteer or Give Back: Creating shared meaning extends beyond the relationship itself. Look for opportunities to give back to your community or support causes that hold personal significance for both of you. Volunteering together or participating in charity initiatives will not only strengthen your bond but also create a shared purpose during the holidays. Communicate and Compromise: The key to creating shared meaning as a newly married couple during the holidays is open, honest communication and willingness to compromise. Talk openly about your expectations, desires, and concerns regarding holiday celebrations. Avoid assuming or expecting your partner to automatically know what you want. Be open to compromise and find a balance that considers both your individual preferences. Focus on Quality Time: Amidst the busyness of the holiday season, prioritize quality time as a couple. Create opportunities for uninterrupted moments together, whether it's a cozy night at home, a leisurely walk together, or simply enjoying a cup of hot cocoa by the fire. Nurturing your connection and being present with each other will build a stronger foundation for shared meaning. Embrace Imperfections: Remember that creating shared meaning during the holidays is a journey, and it may take time to establish your own unique traditions and customs. Embrace imperfections and be open to adjusting plans or traditions as needed. Focus on the joy, love, and togetherness, rather than striving for perfection. As a newly married couple, the holiday season is an opportunity to strengthen your bond and create lasting shared meaning. By reflecting on individual traditions, establishing priorities, creating new traditions, blending cultures, volunteering, communicating, prioritizing quality time, and embracing imperfections, you can nurture your connection, deepen your love, and build a foundation for a lifetime of shared memories. Cheers to a holiday season filled with love, meaning, and joy for all newlyweds! |
Danielle Culpepper, LPCMarriage & Couples Counseling Specialist Ohio Archives
April 2024
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