It’s OK to Fight: The Importance of Modeling Healthy Conflict for Children During the Holidays

Parenting During the Holidays Photo by Anna Kolosyuk on Unsplash

​Written By Danielle Culpepper, LPCC

As the holiday season approaches, families are often filled with excitement and anticipation. However, amidst the joy, the increased stress and expectations can sometimes lead to conflicts. It's essential for parents to recognize that conflict is a natural part of life and, when handled appropriately, can serve as a valuable learning experience for children. Here we'll explore why modeling healthy conflict in front of your kids, especially during the holiday season, is crucial for their emotional development.


Realism in Relationships:

Children who grow up witnessing their parents navigate disagreements gain a realistic understanding of relationships. By openly addressing conflicts, parents show that it's normal for individuals to have differences and that resolving them is a crucial aspect of maintaining healthy connections. This realistic portrayal helps children build a foundation for their own future relationships, emphasizing that disagreements can be resolved with communication and empathy.

Teaching Conflict Resolution Skills

Modeling healthy conflict provides an opportunity to teach children essential conflict resolution skills. When parents handle disputes calmly, respectfully, and constructively, children learn the value of effective communication, active listening, and compromise. These skills are invaluable life lessons that contribute to a child's emotional intelligence and equip them to navigate conflicts in their own relationships as they grow older.

Emotional Regulation

The holidays can be a stressful time, with increased expectations, financial pressures, and family gatherings. Modeling healthy conflict demonstrates to children how to regulate emotions in challenging situations. When parents express their feelings without resorting to aggression or avoidance, children observe effective emotional regulation, providing them with a roadmap for managing their own emotions during difficult times.

Building Resilience

Experiencing conflict, especially during the holidays, allows children to witness resilience in action. When parents demonstrate a commitment to working through challenges, they instill a sense of resilience in their children. This resilience becomes a powerful asset as children face their own adversities, teaching them that conflicts are not insurmountable obstacles but opportunities for growth and learning.

Fostering Open Communication

Modeling healthy conflict encourages open communication within the family. When parents openly discuss their disagreements and resolutions, children learn that communication is a powerful tool for maintaining strong connections. This openness creates a family culture where everyone feels heard and valued, contributing to a sense of security and belonging.


While it may be tempting to shield children from conflict, especially during the holidays, it's crucial to recognize that witnessing healthy conflict resolution is a valuable part of their emotional development. By modeling realistic relationships, teaching conflict resolution skills, demonstrating emotional regulation, building resilience, and fostering open communication, parents can create a foundation for their children to navigate relationships and conflicts successfully in the future. Embracing the challenges of conflict during the holidays can ultimately contribute to a more connected and resilient family unit.

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